whats the rush

i'm oficially one year older and in no hurry whatsoever. what do i mean by that?? well, i'm no real hurry to go back to school or have babies......Babies, what can i say, i've been getting asked this question a lot. "when are you gonna have a baby?" the only thing i can ever seem to answer is, i don't know. what is the rush anyway? maybe we're not ready. but apparently its not about whether we're ready or not, thats the type of thing that just happens i guess. i'm also not the type of person to plan it out. i can't just say "yeah, i'd like to have a baby by next year so lets start............Now" No. So i'm starting to think, will i even be a good mom? maybe i'm not cut out to be a mom. how will i afford it all? but, deep down inside i've finally come to the realization that...... i want it all. i want to have a baby, the career, the home, love, marriage, the whole nine. Suffice it to say, we have been letting nature take its course. Don't really know how things will go but we'll just wait and see. am i terrified? yes. not only am i terrified for all the reasons i've already stated. but also the idea that we may be waiting for something that may never happen. am i just setting myself up to be disappointed or am i only trying to prove my original point.

now about school. do i really need it? some would say yes, its a great opportunity to get hands on design experience. but, haven't i already gotten hands on experience in the real world?? So that takes me to the idea of maybe going back to grad school for a degree in something other than Theatre. how would school fit into my schedule. once again i bring up the idea of wanting it all. maybe i'm asking for too much.

i must say though, my life is amazing. i am probably the happiest i've been in a long time. what i should be doing is appreciating every moment right now. i may never have this again.


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