it never stops hurting

when Brian and I decided we wanted to have a baby we figured it would be easy. i mean why wouldn't it be easy, there isn't much to it after all.

well, at one point I had been a few days late on my period and wasn't too concerned until i felt a very sharp pain followed by what i would say was a very thick blood clot. i went to the doctor right away and they determined it was not a miscarriage but would run further tests. i went in for ultrasounds (man do they make you drink a ton of water and hold it) and they concluded that my problem was cysts in my ovaries. i had no idea what that meant at the time but now i'm quite sure they meant PCOS. i did ask what it meant for me as far as having kids. the obgyn (which i had chosen randomly from the insurance provider catalog) told me i'd have to be on birth control pills until i was ready then they would put me on fertility drugs.

this really threw me for a loop. i wasn't sure what was going on but i figured if i didn't take any birth control at least there would be a chance that i could get pregnant. i let everything else just sit on the back burner until more time passed. well, time did pass and as we approached our third wedding anniversary i became increasingly worried about the whole situation. would i ever be able to have kids on my own without the help of medication? what is wrong with me and how can i fix it?

one day at work as i was talking to a co-worker about my situation, she told me to see another doctor for a second opinion. of course back then i had no clue what i was doing but if i could have given my past self advice it would have been to obviously see another doctor. she recommended her daughter's OB who is a high risk specialist. I went in and they ordered ultrasounds and when i sat down with this doctor i told him my concerns with what the original OB told me and that i would have a difficult time having kids, etc. he looked at me and gave me a hug and said your ultrasounds look fine to me  i wouldn't worry about having kids, it will happen. this really made me feel so much relief.  i just knew at that point i couldn't worry about it, that nature will take it's course and i can't rush things.

fast forward a few months and i overhear someone talking about acupuncture for TTC. 
 so i looked into it and found a great doctor who really helped me understand my body. he too was not concerned about my test results and possibility of conceiving. this made me feel so much better and i continued seeing him once a week for 3 months. i really enjoyed this because i was feeling so much better, healthy, and i was even losing some weight. i really had a feeling that this was going to be it, we were finally going to have a baby.

{to be continued... Part 2}


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