it never stops hurting {part 2}

{read part 1 here}

after three months of acupuncture it was clear to us that we were going to run out of money soon. our insurance didn't cover this type of 'fertility' treatment and there were still no signs of a baby anytime soon.  so we decided to stop seeking this type of treatment but continued to go through all the new techniques we had learned. this involved natural hormone extracts to balance me out without having to take a birth control pill, eating a high protein diet, excercising, and "making rug" at just the right time of the month. it was pretty silly when my acupuncturist was explaining my cycle and he told me to "make rug" on the following nights. at first i was like wha? and he said you "make a ruv" these specific days. OH, ok make love these days. i apologized for not understanding and he said it was ok because he did have a strong accent. so from this point on we would be "making rug", i told you it was pretty silly.

still being quite unsuccessful in all the attempts through the following year, we decided to focus on other things like buying a home. there we were in our new home, a 3 bedroom home to grow into yet we weren't really growing a family at all. so it was sad at times to think about anything baby related. any time my period would be late i would get excited and buy a pregnancy test only to see a big fat NEGATIVE. this was a pretty regular thing but we tried to not really focus on it. we really tried to make it a "if it happens, it happens" type of thing. so we continued to live our lives like normal, really enjoying the time spent with friends and family. you see, normal to us was seeing all of our friends and family starting their own families. these were the years that babies were just being born right and left. our families were growing and we were just getting by enjoying our successes at work and home.

the following year, things began to get pretty shaky. i lost my job and  everything in our life just seemed very uncertain. having a baby was definitely the last thing on our mind. i turned to weight loss to re-focus my life and goals. Brian grew very distant as if unsure what to do about the situation. it was tough. at this time i found out 2 of my cousins were pregnant with their second child. this hit me hard, that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach. here i thought i actually found some sort of 'normal' some sanity for myself. i had no idea that baby fever existed until i was deep in it. i didn't want to be upset at my friends and family having kids it was just so hard to be completely happy for them. i smiled and tried my best to share in their happiness but it was no use. there was something in my heart that felt like it was breaking every time i thought of the idea that i might never have a child of my own. it hurt like the worst ache and i had no idea who i could talk to that would understand.

one month later, i would receive the craziest most unexpected news. news that would change my life forever.

{Part 3}


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